Deidre, Annie, and Richard Lewis

     Today we meditated in class, led by Annie. And as I read Part three of Deedee's The Way of Conflict, I kept seeing connection after connection. For example, the statement on page 78, "When I am centered, finding answers becomes effortless; indeed, solutions seem to find me." This sentence was the third that I highlighted, the first that made me realize all of my highlighted passages were connected to Annie's lesson today. In the previous passage, "centered" is synonymous with "mindful;" and "finding answers" is the result we achieve from being awake, from controlling our reactions. I like the sentence "Conflict frequently begins as a win-lose proposition" (76). Because, more than explicitly stating it, this sentence forces the reader to realize that in order to reach any successful goal, you must move past that initial beginning: conflict, when it begins, will suck, but if you want to make it better you have to move past that beginning.
     It is interesting to me that the meditation technique from DeeDee's discussion on grounding a fire conflict highlights the difference between the mind and the body: "try moving your focus from your center to your head and back to center, and note the strength and stability." I regularly meditate - or, at least, I try to - and each time I sit down and close my eyes, once I empty my mind and begin to breathe, I am faced with my fear of wide open, empty space. When I'm in my mind what I see is the empty blackness that is me stuck behind my eyelids. When I bring myself and my focus to my body, my fear is gone and my mind can't even dwell on it. This happens every single time: I start with anxiety and a focus on the body and on the earth brings me peace.
     The idea of this initial discomfort reminds me of Lewis' parting statement, "If [he] takes off [his] national spectacles, the world is initially blurred and out of focus." It takes multiple attempts - often more chances than you think reasonable - in order to find balance, or sensitivity, or resolution, whatever it is you're looking for. When I first started meditating, all I saw for a long time was that nerve-racking emptiness, but if you're willing to reach past those, to stretch your edge, you'll reach your goal.